I feel out of place in a location where I once felt great comfort - my home, Oklahoma. The traffic, city lights, tall buildings, lack of recycling as a norm, trash-filled lakes and no natural beauty to be active within a 20-45min drive is saddening.
My CamelBak is no longer my go-to required item like a purse or wallet is for others. It is hung up just reminding me of what I left and giving me hope that I will use it again. -I should probably clean it at some point.
My Chaco tan is quickly fading not because of a lack of sun (100 degree days) but a lack of outdoor use. There is nowhere for me to hike in the mornings unless I drive a couple hours away.
In a weird way, I'm happy that people haven't been bombarding me with texts and calls. I find it overwhelming when they do after returning from a place without reception.
I think I'm starting to not just understand logically but understand emotionally how my students feel coming from cities such as Harlem and L.A. to live at a school in the mountains of CO - out of place, not centered.
There are MANY benefits of being home: family, not missing birthdays or holidays, watching my nieces and nephews grow up, being there for my best friends and returning to the place I feel most home, my dojo.
I also am fairly certain this move back home will get easier once my new job transitions from training to working on projects in the community. I know I need to keep busy and am addressing this as quickly as possible.
I joined a conversation group to help me improve my Spanish and I help teach twice a week at my dojo. Once I (re)learn how to use and fix a sewing machine, I'll have a great project (my t-shirt quilt) to work on throughout the winter in my evenings.I know change can take time but I don't think I was expecting to feel so distant from a state I once called home.
My next job will be in nature.
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