At least once a day I receive a text asking how I am. “I’m fine,” “good, how are you?” and “good, you?” are all my typical replies. If I’ve got spare time I might even text a play-by-play of my day. As I’m writing this please take a moment to give yourself an announcer voice and think of your day to the sport of baseball. “She pulls out her phone, sits up, her back tightens, and her breath slows. She bites her lip as she prepares a text of both importance and perfection. She hits send and her body relaxes. She did it, she sent the text.”
Well all of that is beside the point, if there ever was one.
These past two years have been a whirlwind of change. I’ve had to come to terms with many things with the greatest being, I can’t control everything and to follow my heart. I’ve had to learn how to grow up and cope with change in myself, others and the world.
When people say that if you haven’t failed, then you haven’t taken enough risks, I find it a matter of perspective. Did I fail when a close friend died, when (twice) I decided to leave better paying jobs for other ones or when I ended an engagement? No. I cannot control the universe and I have to follow my heart. It’s taken me a while, several movies, a couple good books, a few walks alone, hundreds of texts and daily reflections to realize that if I don’t do what's right for my heart then I’ll always feel part empty, I’ll never completely feel happy and that is not something I’m willing to give up on.
So back to how I am,
A day or two ago I realized something or rather felt something. It was strange, different and unfamiliar yet like a dream. It was peace. For the first time in quite a while I felt at peace. So when friends asked how I was, I had my response ready, “I’m at peace.”
To those of you afraid of failing to do what’s right for you, I encourage you to take a chance. You might get bumps and bruises but none of that is failure, just life lessons teaching, no, helping you figure out who you are.
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