Growing up and chasing feelings

So much of my life has been about setting goals, SMART goals to be exact. It is what do I want and how do I achieve it.  After turning down an interview with the Peace Corps (what a reverse scenario in my book) I think I've come to notice a transition; there are words missing from my internal questions.

It is not, "what do I want?"

It is, "what do I want to feel?"

It is not, "how do I achieve it?"

It is, "how do I achieve the feeling long term?"

When I began my job hunt, I was looking for not just a position or a place but a culture. I wanted to feel empowered, encouraged and home. I have to admit, it's a bit trickier to search for a culture than it is a position. It was worth the the persistence.

Though I am saddened and even disappointed with the Peace Corps, I know I am where I need to be. I have a place that reminds me of the culture of Eagle Rock (CO) the empowerment and familiarity of the Red Cross (OK) and the sense of being just enough out of my comfort zone to grow, as I was in Michigan. 

Service, just like growing up, is not a destination but a feeling that embodies me. It is in everything I think, everything I say and my daily actions.

My next goal is to feel enlightened and calm and cool as a cucumber.

What do you want to feel?

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