Dear Oklahoma...

This year more than ever, people from home are consistently saying the same thing “you should come home.” Though it pulls at my heart, what really influenced me was a 2010 Leadership Council talk at UCO. I believe it was a guest speaker but it could have been Scott "the great" Monetti. Whoever it was, they talked about being content or rather to challenge ourselves daily to not be content.

When we become comfortable we can also become stale and develop a fixed mindset. Whereas, if we pursue a life of things that make us uncomfortable or at least challenges us, we can grow. Our ideas of what the world should look like, the perception of the people and culture around us and how to handle the future will be better off when we challenge our ideas and assumptions.

Yes, I fully agree that I could be happy at home. In fact, it would be incredibly easy to live there. I’ve developed meaningful relationships with my family and a few close friends, I could quickly find a job, I know where I could volunteer and I could open a dojo. I have connections and ties everywhere in the great state of Oklahoma. It would be easy. I would be simply content but being content is not enough for me.

I want to push myself past content and see just how far I can go. 

I want to be called out for a micro-aggression and not be defensive, when just last year I heard the term for the first time. I want to discuss stereotyping and cultures with a security guard long after all the students were picked up. I want to struggle to pronounce names because I live in a place where the ones I grew up with are considered the “unique” names. I want to sit on a bus with a man seeking refuge from his country during a time of "conflict" and have a 3-hour conversation using translating apps. I want to experience life not from a bubble with a radius of my own backyard but from meeting people, living in other cultures and being open to my own vulnerability.

So dear dojo, Red Cross and every other type of family back home, know I love you and miss you dearly but understand that I am exactly where I need to be.

Sincerely,
Jenn

                         

Growing up and chasing feelings

So much of my life has been about setting goals, SMART goals to be exact. It is what do I want and how do I achieve it.  After turning down an interview with the Peace Corps (what a reverse scenario in my book) I think I've come to notice a transition; there are words missing from my internal questions.

It is not, "what do I want?"

It is, "what do I want to feel?"

It is not, "how do I achieve it?"

It is, "how do I achieve the feeling long term?"

When I began my job hunt, I was looking for not just a position or a place but a culture. I wanted to feel empowered, encouraged and home. I have to admit, it's a bit trickier to search for a culture than it is a position. It was worth the the persistence.

Though I am saddened and even disappointed with the Peace Corps, I know I am where I need to be. I have a place that reminds me of the culture of Eagle Rock (CO) the empowerment and familiarity of the Red Cross (OK) and the sense of being just enough out of my comfort zone to grow, as I was in Michigan. 

Service, just like growing up, is not a destination but a feeling that embodies me. It is in everything I think, everything I say and my daily actions.

My next goal is to feel enlightened and calm and cool as a cucumber.

What do you want to feel?

.