Dear Oklahoma...

This year more than ever, people from home are consistently saying the same thing “you should come home.” Though it pulls at my heart, what really influenced me was a 2010 Leadership Council talk at UCO. I believe it was a guest speaker but it could have been Scott "the great" Monetti. Whoever it was, they talked about being content or rather to challenge ourselves daily to not be content.

When we become comfortable we can also become stale and develop a fixed mindset. Whereas, if we pursue a life of things that make us uncomfortable or at least challenges us, we can grow. Our ideas of what the world should look like, the perception of the people and culture around us and how to handle the future will be better off when we challenge our ideas and assumptions.

Yes, I fully agree that I could be happy at home. In fact, it would be incredibly easy to live there. I’ve developed meaningful relationships with my family and a few close friends, I could quickly find a job, I know where I could volunteer and I could open a dojo. I have connections and ties everywhere in the great state of Oklahoma. It would be easy. I would be simply content but being content is not enough for me.

I want to push myself past content and see just how far I can go. 

I want to be called out for a micro-aggression and not be defensive, when just last year I heard the term for the first time. I want to discuss stereotyping and cultures with a security guard long after all the students were picked up. I want to struggle to pronounce names because I live in a place where the ones I grew up with are considered the “unique” names. I want to sit on a bus with a man seeking refuge from his country during a time of "conflict" and have a 3-hour conversation using translating apps. I want to experience life not from a bubble with a radius of my own backyard but from meeting people, living in other cultures and being open to my own vulnerability.

So dear dojo, Red Cross and every other type of family back home, know I love you and miss you dearly but understand that I am exactly where I need to be.

Sincerely,
Jenn

                         

Building from within

Part 1:

Though not exactly sure where to begin, let's start with this: I've spent less time developing and cultivating new relationships and more time focusing on the ones I treasure most. To do this, I had to first develop a relationship with myself.

Supposedly Buddhist monks talk about developing peace and understanding from inside. In essence, by truly accepting and loving oneself. This year I've taken a break from new relationships and instead looked inward. What do I want? What do I need? Who am I when everything and everyone is taken away? These are the questions that I needed to face, and I don't think I'm alone in that this task is difficult when surrounded by new environments, new people, relationships, alcohol, drugs or whatever your vice may be.

Once my distractions were away - new place, new relationships, outdoor activities, I battled my reflection. Initially, it was an internal battle. Over time, quite a bit of time, I began to see clearer. I no longer was reliant on finding joy from other sources. Yes - I do enjoy hanging out with friends. Yes - I still miss hiking on an eternal level. Yes - I happen to like being active. What I am learning is that I can be okay with who I am both internally and externally no matter where I am, what I am doing or who I am with. 

I expected I may answer a few internal questions but I was not expecting to learn to love myself on the outward too. I've not been a body hater but now I've come to love and respect my body. I see myself in the mirror and I am happy at the reflection staring back at me. I know to respect my body I need to eat well, exercise, sleep and love my body as it is and will be. I see others aging and their wrinkles are beautiful to me. I guess when you are learning to love yourself a side effect is learning to love your body. 

Part 2:

It is easier to love those I care about when I love myself. My relationship with my two closest friends has expanded in depth. Finding myself has allowed me more room in my heart to love and cultivate these friendships that I cherish. Not focusing on creating and managing new relationships has been a good thing for me. If I read this a year ago, I would say I am being selfish or arrogant but I see it as finally understanding an age old concept: quality over quantity. I know they feel the same way too.

Part 3:

Family. Partially simultaneously as developing my relationships with my closest friends, I began working on my relationship with my family. I am still working on this, even more so than with my friends. I've become the positive role-model aunt to my older nieces, an ear to my sister and a big fan for my dad in his martial art class. As my term of service ends and my unknown location of a future draws nearer I have a three focus areas: build my relationship more with my oldest niece, sustain these relationships and be fully present when with family.

If you are struggling in any aspect of your life, and even if you are not, I encourage you to look inward.