Do you ever wonder?

I am a reflective person and from time-to-time I wonder what would things be like if…fill in the blank.

With the anniversary of the day the world lost a wonderful human being fast approaching (Aug. 8th), I trod down the rabbit hole respectfully.

If Ethan was still alive would…

He have gone down the partying road throughout college? Would we have blackmail stories that we share accidentally at inappropriate times? 

He have gotten married to the woman he proposed to? 

He have earned his black belt and opened his own dojo? Would we be guest sensei's at each other's tests? 

He have have graduated from OCCC and gone onto UCO like he planned? Would we have been in the same clubs, ate lunch together or picked at each other?

He still pursued music or other creative outlets? 

He have continued with journalism? Would he shine or fail as the new editor? Would he continue it at UCO? Would he earn more SPJ (society of professional journalism) awards?

He still be a dork, funny and always up to something? 

But mostly the thing I tend to wonder is… 

Would we realistically still be friends to this day?

Would we ever be sharing an office and when we don't have a place to talk, be messaging back in forth while being three feet away? Would he still come in and give me a big hug with a giant smile? Would we wonder about the world, life, relationships, family, service to others and awkward moments? I want to say yes, but really, I've let most people go over time, would he have fallen into that category? Is the only reason his memory is forever engrained in my soul because he was taken away from this world, from me? I guess no one will ever know but I can say I am grateful for the time we did share.

Learning to listen to my body

I listen to my body most of the time. However, the moment I have deadlines (even ones I've personally made) that are nearing or people I (perceived and actually) need to help, self-care goes out the window.

Today was a victory.

I realized that I cannot enter all the service hours of all the students, order awards, lead all the service activities,  plan for and lead two classes, reflect, work on my projects, etc and take care of myself properly without a single day full day off. I need to take care of me, especially in the midst of madness. 

I often tell people who are worriers about things to ask, "What is the worst (realistically) thing that can happen?" It is something Major in JROTC once said at a dance and it has applied to the entirety of my life. Though the deadline to order awards for them to arrive on time with normal shipping has passed, what was the worse that would happen? The answer? We have to pay $25 for expedited shipping.

My head is screaming because that is a waste of money and it was my fault (to an extent). Yet I really took the moment today to say, "well since I already passed it, I can take my day off (tomorrow) that I normally work and take care of myself."

My personal well being is worth $25.

I still have time with this new shipping date to get it in and have awards by graduation. Tonight I "met" my new nephew via video chat and tomorrow I'm making the choice to take care of myself so that the next day I can be at full power instead of 12%. Making this choice is something I am working on.

My Best Friend is Flying in

My best friend Jamie is flying in to see me in Colorado. It's rather exciting having a friend visit me where I live. My emotions are through the roof knowing that even though I tend to move far away, my best friend is still super excited to come see me!

These couple of days are going to be outstanding.

• Cookie dough and a movie
• 4th of July Festivities
• Crashing the YMCA international parade
• A Car Show
• Hiking
• Touring campus
• Sliding on a big slide
• Lots and lots of stories, laughter and love.

I can't wait till your shuttle gets here!!!

 Jamie and I in Oklahoma, December 2012

Darn you shows and movies that involve travel.

I'm filled with such mixed emotions. A friend referred me to a documentary called, "Long Way Round." It is brilliant but there is one problem: I can't sleep. I'm filled with such excitement for adventure and to travel again that all I can think of is buying a ticket, hopping on a plane and going to who knows where. (In actuality, I would probably go to France to begin to walk the Camino through Spain and Portugal.)

I can't begin to tell you how it is almost a daily battle within myself of to stay or to go. To have a job or to travel around the world. To be with family and friends or to be video chatting across the globe. To be present for birthdays and holidays or to be making memories with families I create and find along the way.

I told myself I don't want to be the aunt that my nieces (and soon-to-be nephew) don't know. I want to be the cool aunt who they call at 3am when they went drinking underage and need someone to pick them up, no-questions asked. Yet, as my mom said (gawd, I hate how she is right sometimes,) "I think you find fulfillment in you going to so many different places." How right she is, how right she is. 

So I sit here with 47 days till my contract technically ends and I feel conflicted about what comes next. Currently I have this elaborate plan of coming home and taking odd jobs for about year before selling every last thing and jetting off to other countries. Can I sit still back home for a year? Can I be away from home in another country for an undetermined amount of time?

If I had a superpower, I would be able to instantly go to wherever I want with a blink of an eye.

5 Truths people who LOVE traveling won't tell you.

(I wrote this quite a while ago..so be ready for an onslaught of posts this summer.)

5 Truths people who LOVE traveling won't tell you.

1. "I wish I was home."

Every traveler I've met has had their ups and downs, which occasionally include thoughts of home. While most of the nation wishes to travel to an exotic place while down, travelers wish to be near friends or family. They fantasize this world of traveling that wherever he or she is at, they can just take a quick drive to a close friend's house or their parents for a family event. Not to say they don't love traveling, they do. In fact they very well might become miserable if they stop being them and do decide to go home and stop traveling.

2. Half of their stories

This is usually for one or both of the following: a) Who wants to genuinely listen to hours and hours of stories, let alone ones that make them wish they could travel more? b) Sometimes the stories are creepy, scary or risky/dangerous. This second category may not be told so the listener does not worry more than they undoubtedly do, or to not deter others from trying new experiences.

3. Loving is easy to come by.

If said, this would make the traveler sound arrogant or a whore. I've met both, but overall I would say love is a common bond among those who travel. They are lovers of new experiences, environments, cultures and people. Because of this, they tend to attract those who seek independent and passionate people...aka, travelers.

4. Travelers break hearts.

Friends and family endure the lack of consistent communication and unknown visits with each goodbye. Lovers, above mentioned, fall and fall fast whilst the traveler is merely passing by with no intention of actually staying. It is a fling, a fun moment or two and a friendship sometimes intense, but nothing more.

5. It can be a very lonely experience. 

Though you meet hundreds if not thousands of really amazing people, connections tend to fade to Facebook. Even those you were once best friends with back home will, over time, fade away and move on without you. Do you remember in high school how you knew so many people, had a clique and after graduation everyone went different directions? Traveling, and moving, is like that each and every time.

So what are things people in your field or hobby that people don't tell others?

Long time, no write

 

Wow, it’s been quite a bit since my last post and there are dozens of things to share from life updates to first year teaching to the holidays to returning for my second trimester teaching.

Here are a few of my highlights:

1. Breakdown in Week 8 – later found out this is called the disillusionment stage in teaching
2. My classes led an Action Plan presentation – this went extremely well and I was floored with pride
3. Thanksgiving – never the same without my traditional family but family is what you make of it and my Eagle Rock family is amazing
4. BREAKING NEWS – my sister-in-law and brother told me they were having a second child, kind of the greatest news ever
5. ER 61 Graduates – said goodbye to four amazing grads and also present my first Presidential Volunteer Service Awards to three students
6. LFJ and Credit – the paperwork doesn’t end when the students turn it in, in fact we have to look over it and then award credit…lesson learned, powerhouse it as soon as you begin to receive work
7. (Semi) Surprise Visit – an old friend drove from WA and stopped in CO to hang out with me for a few hours before continuing his drive to OK
8. Ready, Set, Break – first break from school and it was amazing. I spent a great deal of time with family and a few close friends. I saw movies, led a Master Chef Jr: Auntie Jenn Edition, indoor cart raced (and won), ice skated, went to a casino, finally saw the state aquarium in Jenks, ate cookie dough, clubbed, passed three students to the last belt rank before black, laughed and loved
9. Text-2-Email – my best friend and another close friend finally figured out how to “text” with me, despite me having no reception on this mountain of a home. FYI, text like normal but enter my email instead
10. Back to the Grind – returned from an amazing vacation home and begin truly working and planning tomorrow 

What are your top 10 things over the past few months?

Dipping my toe into the water...finally

“Heeey, Dad?”

“What do you want?”

(In a rushed voice) “Can I join this one karate class? I got this flyer at school and I think it would be super cool and please? And it would be awesome? And pretty please with a cherry on top?”

(Dad views flyer)

“I’ll have to talk with you mom, but probably.”

This is how I imagine the start of what would become my way of life began: an overly excited seven-year-old coming home from school asking her dad if she could become a ninja, something straight out of the movies.

Over 17 years later and I’m stepping my big toe away from theoretically opening my own place to actually starting a (test) class: eight Sunday mornings introducing basic self-defense and traditional Okinawan karate to potentially just one student.

I can’t help but wonder, “Where is my safety net?”

Where are my fellow instructors: Sensei Steve and Sensei Brandon? Where are my upper-belt students: Patricia, Andrew or Robert?

The realization that to start something new, someone had to decide to try is attacking me like an allergic reaction to peanuts. Yet, within the same reflection, I also know I am ready. In spirit, those who have gone before me are and will always be with me.

 

Sorry it's backwards. From Master Sharon English to my parents:
(You guys are great. I appreciate your support and your friendship. You did a great job with the scorekeeping (and I know it was a lot of work). Jennifer did as superior job. Her positive attitude and willingness to try will help her excel in everything she does. It is a reflection of great parents. Thanks again. Sharon) - March 1999

As the seven-year-old naive child, I had a lot of learning to do, but looking back I can see just how much support I had from others; people believed in me. I hope to be even half the person others were and still are to me.

Wish me patience and understanding,

Jenn

Calling all ugly, odd and misspelled thank-you notecards

I started reading 365 Thank Yous by John Kralik and became inspired to begin my own two-part project: 

1. Thank each and every person (workers and students) at Eagle Rock by August 2014.
2. Secretly engage the community (a collective term encompassing all workers and students at Eagle Rock) in writing thank-you notes.

Call to Action –

I am collecting 150+ unused thank-you cards. Does it have batman on the outside of it? Is there an old flower that reminds you of your grandma covering it? Did you keep a box full of cards, forgot you had them and now they look too old to use? Do you, your school, church or creepy neighbor have any of the above? GREAT! I am accepting any and all unused thank-you cards.

Jennifer Pearsall

2750 Notaiah Rd.

Estes Park, CO 80517

About 365 Thank Yous:

(Short Version) John Kralik’s personal, professional, financial and social life has fallen completely apart when one day he is inspired to write a thank-you note. He then makes a commitment to write one note every day for 365 days. Kralik finds himself trapped within his own mission where some days it appears there is nothing to be thankful for, but he perseveres. Does he finish this challenge? I’m not sure but I bet I will know by the time I finish this delightful read.

Sincerely,

Jenn

Wait, I'm supposed to MAKE money in life?

“If you could do anything (as a career) without regard to time or money, what would you do?”

I was going through some of my old papers and notebooks from college when I came across the beginning of an assignment that asked that question. It seems odd to me that there has to be such context of “without regard to time or money” but then I realized that we as people put limitations on ourselves, the way we think and in the end, what we decide to do.

Birth –> Preschool -> Elementary School -> Middle School -> High School -> Job & College -> Job -> Career -> Family -> Death

Yep, that’s my outlook on what life is currently.

Birth -> Learning how to read, laugh, love, walk, talk, hug, high five, explore -> Finding oneself, passions, interests, desires, loves -> Exploration -> Death

This is how I hope life can one day be viewed as by everyone. The events, and even the order, can be the same but what is valued is different.

So back to my assignment, I wrote two answers: 1. I would open a leadership camp and serve at-risk youth.  2. I would travel the world helping people for free.

The first is a risk but ends with a savings, retirement plan and health insurance. It offers stability, acceptance by society and structure. The second offers freedom, cultural experiences, varying viewpoints, connections and adventure. Both are great and I will always tend to lean towards the first because that is the safer route but in my heart, I will never be truly fulfilled.

Where is your path taking you and what would you do if you didn’t have to worry about money or obstacles?

 

Be true to your passions, desires, hopes, dreams,

Jenn