My Mountain

As I'm sitting on the floor in the middle of a large room I find myself pondering many of things. You see, I just got done practicing an art I like to call karate and I'm starting to fully grasp the understanding that karate IS a way of life. I believe I always had a notion of this but just now am I seeing the entirety of it.
I was told that earning my black belt is simply reaching the bottom of a mountain and all those years previously were just a walk to the base. I used to agree with this metaphor but always with some reservation. I mean as many years as I've been doing this, surely I was part way up the mountain when I earned by black belt. No, i wasn't and its clear to me now. It's been almost five years since I tested for that belt and I'm only a few miles up the mountain, if that.
Each person finds his or her own path and for me it has been a strange one with many breaks, confusion and stress. Getting away from the dojo I've called home since I was seven and "spreading my wings" is something I hope never to take for granted. I'm developing a self-defense program for a local school district and I'm filled with so many emotions, and a lot of nerves. At first I didn't want to let my karate family down and I was filled with anxiety but as I sit here and let that go, I realized something; this is my path. So my methods may be different or maybe they will be identical but I get to make these choices. I get to decide what direction I want to take. Do I want to continue with in the traditional Okinawan footsteps? I don't know. What I do know is that right now the only person I can let down is myself. This is a very freeing thought and I'm not sure I would have come to this conclusion without hiking my own way up the mountain.

I am what I am.

1. Know yourself.

Know myself. Who am I? What am I doing?

I am finding myself. I am breathing. I am living. I am existing.

What am I? In a basic scientific meaning, I am energy. I get energy by consuming food. When I have no more energy, I die. Then what? My body decomposes and I am still energy. I am in the ground which feeds the plants that are eaten by animals whom are killed by humans. If this sounds hippie like, I get it. But think about it and I mean really take a few minutes to step back and hear what I'm saying.

I've been struggling for a long time with my beliefs. What do I believe? Where do I stand? And it has occurred to me that I don't have to stand anywhere. I can simply exist and choose how to live in my existence. I can decide what type of existence I want to have. So I choose to help others and to continually try and better understand myself.