Growing up and chasing feelings

So much of my life has been about setting goals, SMART goals to be exact. It is what do I want and how do I achieve it.  After turning down an interview with the Peace Corps (what a reverse scenario in my book) I think I've come to notice a transition; there are words missing from my internal questions.

It is not, "what do I want?"

It is, "what do I want to feel?"

It is not, "how do I achieve it?"

It is, "how do I achieve the feeling long term?"

When I began my job hunt, I was looking for not just a position or a place but a culture. I wanted to feel empowered, encouraged and home. I have to admit, it's a bit trickier to search for a culture than it is a position. It was worth the the persistence.

Though I am saddened and even disappointed with the Peace Corps, I know I am where I need to be. I have a place that reminds me of the culture of Eagle Rock (CO) the empowerment and familiarity of the Red Cross (OK) and the sense of being just enough out of my comfort zone to grow, as I was in Michigan. 

Service, just like growing up, is not a destination but a feeling that embodies me. It is in everything I think, everything I say and my daily actions.

My next goal is to feel enlightened and calm and cool as a cucumber.

What do you want to feel?

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Public Transportation: first 10 day in NY

Things Google Maps does not tell you:

1. Which side of the street your station is on.
2. Buses do not stop at every stop.
3. In fact, buses do not stop unless you hit some non-existent button on the wall to signal you would like to exit.

Things NY Subway stations do not tell you:

1. Cardinal directions: North, South, East, West, Loopty Loop, etc. Maybe they are unaware but being new means I don't know where Forrest Hills, Brooklyn, Jamaica, etc are located. M/R Train towards Forrest Hills is like pointing at a child's imaginary friend and saying, “you see it, right?” Dang it subways, I need stations to say R train Northbound. This I can understand.
2. Not all subway trains are created equal. Just because your first subway train has light up screen with what stops are next and a loud speaker to announce each arrival/departure does not mean all of them do.
3. If a man goes around setting key chains on everyone, it is not a cute “Welcome to New York” favor to keep. Return it or pay up.

Time it should take vs. Actual time

• To Work (by bus) 17 minutes vs 59 minutes, one frantic call to mom and a cab from Manhattan
• To Rebecca's apartment (by sub) 40 minutes vs over an hour and again, ended up in Manhattan
• From Prospect Park (by sub) 46 minutes vs 1.5 hours