Part 1:
Though not exactly sure where to begin, let's start with this: I've spent less time developing and cultivating new relationships and more time focusing on the ones I treasure most. To do this, I had to first develop a relationship with myself.
Supposedly Buddhist monks talk about developing peace and understanding from inside. In essence, by truly accepting and loving oneself. This year I've taken a break from new relationships and instead looked inward. What do I want? What do I need? Who am I when everything and everyone is taken away? These are the questions that I needed to face, and I don't think I'm alone in that this task is difficult when surrounded by new environments, new people, relationships, alcohol, drugs or whatever your vice may be.
Once my distractions were away - new place, new relationships, outdoor activities, I battled my reflection. Initially, it was an internal battle. Over time, quite a bit of time, I began to see clearer. I no longer was reliant on finding joy from other sources. Yes - I do enjoy hanging out with friends. Yes - I still miss hiking on an eternal level. Yes - I happen to like being active. What I am learning is that I can be okay with who I am both internally and externally no matter where I am, what I am doing or who I am with.
I expected I may answer a few internal questions but I was not expecting to learn to love myself on the outward too. I've not been a body hater but now I've come to love and respect my body. I see myself in the mirror and I am happy at the reflection staring back at me. I know to respect my body I need to eat well, exercise, sleep and love my body as it is and will be. I see others aging and their wrinkles are beautiful to me. I guess when you are learning to love yourself a side effect is learning to love your body.
Part 2:
It is easier to love those I care about when I love myself. My relationship with my two closest friends has expanded in depth. Finding myself has allowed me more room in my heart to love and cultivate these friendships that I cherish. Not focusing on creating and managing new relationships has been a good thing for me. If I read this a year ago, I would say I am being selfish or arrogant but I see it as finally understanding an age old concept: quality over quantity. I know they feel the same way too.
Part 3:
Family. Partially simultaneously as developing my relationships with my closest friends, I began working on my relationship with my family. I am still working on this, even more so than with my friends. I've become the positive role-model aunt to my older nieces, an ear to my sister and a big fan for my dad in his martial art class. As my term of service ends and my unknown location of a future draws nearer I have a three focus areas: build my relationship more with my oldest niece, sustain these relationships and be fully present when with family.
If you are struggling in any aspect of your life, and even if you are not, I encourage you to look inward.
