I have never
felt, and actually been, more prepared for a position than I am for this one. I’ve
spent my last three years bouncing from one contract or service term to
another. I’ve lived in Michigan, Colorado and a couple different parts of
Oklahoma. Each position and location was radically different from the previous
ones. Yet it was through the variety of professional and personal experiences
had, that I actually feel ready. As I told my dad the other day, “I got this.”
It was an
odd feeling.
In Michigan I learned teambuilding and
facilitation skills. My roommate taught me about standing up for oneself and
how some comments are just not okay. I learned that I needed to find my own
identity, separate from school. She also taught me about Nutella.
The summer after
Michigan I drove to Colorado. I am
still trying to figure out if this was the hardest experience I will ever love,
or just the hardest experience. Either way, it was definitely a year of growth.
I wish I had seen it then. While there, I faced social justice issues and
learned about nearly every “ism” under the sun. I was exposed to the remarkable
world of identities. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more lost. Later I finally
understood how much relationships are key, that I need to be part of a group or
club outside of work and that if I want to not just survive but to be happy, that
I need to find a way to straddle the line of engagement and disengagement.
After
completing a year of service in Colorado, I returned home to Oklahoma. I needed time to reboot. I
needed to process. I needed to regain trust in myself after completely losing
my shit in Washington and nearly walking out on Colorado (thank you Beth and
Jen for all your help). Most importantly, I needed to find me. The phrase, “get
lost to find yourself” was one I immediately loved when I saw it while in
Michigan. What I didn’t understand then,
is being lost is terrifying, lonely and filled with anger, sadness and
confusion. I used the Red Cross to try everything I was beginning to learn
from Colorado. Mainly to make time for things I love and to build up (and utilize)
my relationships with a few key people. I learned to take charge, make
decisions and further my facilitation experience. The people there showed me
what it means to put the clients first. My official and unofficial supervisors
modeled the way on how I hope to be as a leader. It was an amazing place to see
the life-cycle of a project and to feel incredibly empowered and trusted.
So now in New York when I’m faced with a problem
or a question, I don’t feel lost. I simply start to problem solve based on what
I know (thanks Dave Campbell for that penny of wisdom). When a parent is upset,
I know to listen to hear if they are just needing to vent or if they really do
want an explanation. I feel more excited than nervous to take on my giant
roles. I’ve kept my honesty and have been extremely open to hearing feedback
without getting defensive. I’ve joined a group outside of work and am soon
about to help with the Red Cross. In short, I’m making a home for myself
because I finally understand what I need to feel at home.
Thank you to each person who has been a part of my journey. No matter what occurred or how much, you influenced me.
